We all know that whenever you go on social media and you see people posting about their marriage, we typically see “Hey, look how good we are and look at how happy we are and how blessed that we are." You see people on their vacations, you see romantic dinners, you see the matching pajamas at Christmas time. But sometimes, what it is really saying is "We almost killed each other last week, but we're still here. And I'm acknowledging that we're still here." We need to be honest about the posts. There are times when we will experience pain in our relationships. We like to believe that Love makes everything turn out ok. Well, that is not true-there will be seasons of pain, seasons where everything is out of control-and all we can do is ‘get through’! There are 3 principles I want to share with you today.
1. Families that love God still experience pain, problems, and pressure. Even those that are seeking God and serving God and doing what God would say is right and honorable.
Elkanah was very devoted to God and he loved his first wife Hannah deeply. The problem is she couldn't conceive and give birth to children. The second wife, Peninnah, could and did have children and she used that as leverage against Hannah. And she was not nice. And we can see the heartbreak in 1 Samuel 1.
Just because we love God and serve God, it doesn't mean that we won't have problems. And just because we might have problems doesn't necessarily mean that we did something wrong.
This couple was seeking God, they were serving God, they loved God, and they couldn't conceive a child. And to Hannah, this wasn't just heartbreaking, because she lived in a culture where, for the most part, a woman's worth would be judged by her ability to have children. And so, infertility wasn't just disappointing, it was devastating. She desperately wants a baby
One of the many things I love about the Bible is it shows things just like they are. God isn’t sugar coating what is happening here. We can read it for ourselves in 1 Samuel 1:6. "So Peninnah would taunt Hannah and make fun of her because the Lord had kept her from having children." That's just mean. The Bible says, "Year after year, it was the same. Peninnah would taunt Hannah as they went to the Tabernacle." And each time, Hannah would be reduced to tears and wouldn't even eat. Think about this. Elkanah's taking his family to church. And Peninnah, the other wife, is bullying Hannah. And it wasn't just one time it was year after year!
Some of you are dealing right now with what might be a year after year issue. Maybe year after year after year, you're praying that God would do something in your marriage, and you haven't seen God do what you're asking Him to do. Or year after year, you're praying for healing for migraines, for healing from depression. Or year after year, you're praying for a child who continues to walk away from God. And year after year, you cry out to God. And year after year, you don't see God doing what you know He can do.
That’s where Hannah is. She's doing the right things. And she keeps showing up. She keeps seeking God. She keeps believing for the miracle. Some of you know what it's like to be faithful to God and frustrated at the very same time. You are being faithful and you're honoring God, and your motives are pure, and your heart is sincere, and you're also frustrated because you're not seeing what you want to see. You show up to church with a smile and sometimes go home with a heavy heart because you know you're pursuing God and you're still not seeing what you want to see. This is real life. God doesn't always do what we want Him to do, but we still serve Him faithfully and we keep the faith that He is still good even in the middle of our pain.
Elkanah doesn’t really get it: 'Hannah, why are you weeping?'" "I mean, I know you can't have kids. I know it's a desire of your heart and I know society pressures you to have it, and this would make you feel whole, and this is what you've been praying for and believing for since you're a little child. But really why are you crying? Why don't you eat? Why are you so downhearted?" And then we read "Don't I mean more to you than 10 sons?" In the middle of her deepest grief, he's like, "But babe, you've got me. Doesn't that make you happy?" And this raises a thought, lesson number two
2. Sometimes your spouse doesn't need a solution. They just need your presence. I still have to remind Gary that sometimes when I am in a difficult spot emotionally or facing some kind of challenge, I don’t need him to fix it- but only for him to listen and be there. Even though everything in him- most husbands/guys in general, want to say, "Here's three steps to fix the problem. Stay there, here I come to the rescue!" And as much as Gary wants to do that and it might even feel right, sometimes it isn’t the fixing I need, but the feeling that he understands what I am going through in the middle of the moment.
So, for Hannah, year after year, this was an issue. Hannah takes all of her grief, all of her pain, all of her frustration, all of her disappointment, and she pours it out to God. And in her heartbreak, didn't walk away from God. She didn't shut down in silence, but she stood up and she poured out her heart to God. Sometimes, the most powerful prayers are not the most polished or perfect, but just the most honest. God, I'm hurting, God. I need You, God. I don't understand, God.
The third principle we see in this story is that
3. Godly couples don't avoid the pain; they invite God into it. Godly couples don't avoid whatever hardship or challenge they're facing, but they take it to God, and they invite God into it. If you want more intimacy in any area of your life, get more intimacy with God.
This is real. Are you going through dark, emotional days like Hannah and Elkanah went through. When you step back and look at it holistically, God speaks to you. We see that in the middle of the pain, sometimes we're not called to fix the problem with the people that we love, but just to feel the pain and do life with them. And whenever we're hurting in a relationship, we don't run from the pain, but together we take it to God and cry out to Him in prayer because we need God. When two people choose to stay and choose to pray and choose to seek God, God moves and does what only God can do. He may or may not change the circumstances, but He always change the heart. And When God changes the heart, anything is possible for good.
